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The question on everybody’s lips is: why hasn’t Roger Ailes been indicted yet?

As you recall, it appears Ailes, a man apparently synthesized with DNA leftover from Hermann Göring and Joseph Goebbels, is the noisome Hutt who created Fox’s propaganda machine.  Allegedly — I use the word insincerely and purely out of legal rigor — Ailes interfered with a federal investigation of one of his rightwing cronies, the odious and glabrous Bernard Kerik, by inducing Kerik’s paramour, the almost equally ignominious OJ-booster Judith Regan, to lie about their (unspeakable) relationship.

Now (stay with me here) Kerik was the former New York City police commissioner who had been nominated to become secretary of Homeland Security by the cretinous draft-dodger George Bush.  Kerik, a darling of the Right, had the perfect qualifications for any conservative candidate: he not only was having extramarital affairs but also was committing tax fraud (for which he eventually was imprisoned), and he didn’t like sissy liberal ideas like Fourth Amendment rights.  He was the perfect choice for head of Bush's KGB.

It didn’t hurt that Regan (now bear with me) was a homophone for that iconically conservative president, Ronald Reagan, but also the literary force behind the most repulsive book deal on the planet, OJ Simpson’s ungrammatical "If I Did It" (subjunctive please).   Anybody willing to make money by giving Simpson a forum had to be a good conservative.

Always a defender of cheaters (tax, marital or political) at this point Ailes and his treble chins sprang into action.  Aware that G-men with clipboards were making the rounds interviewing Kerik's "friends," Ailes talked to Regan, urging her in avuncular tones to  (allegedly — ha!) keep quiet about her coupling with Kerik so that the Feds would anoint Kerik with oil and the Fatherland’s safety would be put into the venal hands of a modern conservative tax cheating fornicator.  It must have impressed Ailes as a perfect plan.

Do NOT ask how Ailes knew about the Kerik-Regan coitus — carnal knowledge seems to be the only accurate information in which Fox newspeople traffic, so leave it at that. 

But media whore Regan could not keep quiet, at least not where arguably the second most disgusting book deal was involved (like that's a surprise): her memoirs.  While she didn't tell federal investigators about the affair, she did rat Ailes out in her memoirs.  And rumors began to fly about "If Ailes Did It."  No subjective intended.

Of course, never speaking about the sex acts between Kerik and Regan is probably a good idea.  The Horror, the Horror.  But it also appears to be on its face obstruction of justice.  A month has passed since Regan pointed her bony finger at Ailes.  The arc must be closed. It is simple poetic justice that Ailes will one day somehow end up in jail due to somebody whose name is pronounced just like Reagan, the Ba’al of the modern conservative movement, which Ailes has so unscrupulously fostered.

 


Comments

BEcky Black
03/28/2011 6:32am

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Becky Black
03/28/2011 6:35am

Dear Wu Chi ,You have a way with words. I only know like, about, ten, and I use them over and over again.

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Leila
03/28/2011 6:38am

You are hilarious! Smart, sassy writing. I love it. Looking forward to a lot more. I'll be chuckling all day.

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